Their new book, A Pedagogy of Play: Supporting Playful Learning in Classrooms and Schools, makes the case for play-based learning not just for babies, toddlers, and preschoolers, but for students of all ages. It’s a wonderful thing to have that kind of research backing up what so many of us have been watching happen in real time for decades.

Where it started for me

In my own piano lessons as a child, I was lucky to have a very progressive teacher who used the Pace method, created by Robert Pace, a brilliant music educator at Juilliard. Once a week, six or seven of us, mostly between 9 and 12 years old, would come together for theory class and play games to learn concepts and create Question and Answer tunes on the fly at the piano. I loved it. Theory was the one academic subject where I felt genuinely competent and excited to show up. The games made everything click in a way that sitting with a workbook never could.

When I was first trained in piano pedagogy as an adult, I was taught to incorporate some play into lessons, especially for younger kids. As I’ve gravitated toward teaching younger and younger children over the years, I’ve found more and more ways to build an entire lesson around play. And here’s something that still delights me every time: the parents who get down on the floor and play the games alongside their kids seem to grasp the concepts more easily too. There are a lot of “aha” moments happening at floor level.

The part that surprised even me

For a long time, I hesitated to pull out the piano mat and the toys with my adult students. I worried about offending them, that it might feel beneath them or too silly.

I was wrong, and I was doing them a disservice.

When I do bring out the toys, get on the floor, and play games like “honk honk” or introduce them to Piano Town, the concepts land immediately. Using a car getting a flat tire, or a frog stepping on something sharp, to illustrate how sharps and flats work has become my go-to strategy for preschoolers and adults alike, because it makes the concept so much easier to both understand and remember. Why make it harder for the sake of pride?

What play actually does for learners

Kids and adults both learn better while they’re playing. They have more fun, they retain knowledge more easily, and they develop musically at a faster pace. I’ve watched it happen over and over in my studio for years.

It’s deeply satisfying to have a team at Harvard now putting research behind what so many of us have seen in practical, everyday classroom experience. And it’s even more satisfying to watch students of all ages light up when a musical concept finally makes sense, because someone was willing to get on the floor and play.

Have so much fun!

When you teach your baby how to talk you don’t start with ABC’s and grammar. The same goes for teaching your baby music. Don’t start with ABC or Do Re Mi, start with up and down - stepping, skipping and staying. Little sounds that make sense, and that you can show your baby every day, so that music will be part of their natural language!

Have so much fun!

An important part about teaching piano to littles is that you don’t make them do it. Let them experiment as they watch you play. The more fun you’re having, the more your kids will naturally want to join you. Some kids take a long time to join, so just be sure to let them have all the time they need. Often, they’re processing without making it obvious. As long as you’re consistently playing these games and songs around them, they’re learning. One day you’ll be surprised at how much they have soaked up!

Have so much fun singing and playing Falling Falling Leaves with your littles!

In my experience, along with other progressive educators, yes, it matters enormously.

One strengthens the other

Just like reading, writing, and speaking all reinforce each other in language, ear playing and note reading do the same thing in music. They’re not opposites or alternatives, they’re partners. When you’re strong in both, even if one comes more naturally than the other, you become a more rounded and capable musician.

When I teach kids piano, I want them to develop both skills from the beginning. For some, note reading clicks quickly. Others would happily skip the sheet music entirely and just play by ear. I encourage both because the way you train early becomes your default, and I want their default to be as wide open as possible.

What happens when your default is both

Imagine not being limited to only what’s written on the page, but also not being adrift without it. When you’re fluent in both, you can walk into almost any musical situation- a formal recital, a spontaneous singalong, a band rehearsal, a quiet moment at home, and find your way in.

You can collaborate with note readers and ear players alike. You can compose, improvise, and interpret.

Most importantly, you’re going to have so much more fun. And that, truly, is the whole point.

Have so much fun!

You can give your baby a better start by showing them flexibility BEFORE they learn to play little tunes with their tiny fingers.

An added benefit to this kind of “playing” is that your baby won’t be intimidated by the fact that they don’t know what to do. Anyone can pretend there are bears, or butterflies, or cats playing around on the piano!

Have so much fun!

Kids love this song, even though they don’t yet care about tonal center. When we do talk about what key we’re in, when they’re learning to play by ear, read sheet music, improvise or compose, it’s an easy transition from piggies running home to “what key are we in?”

Have fun!

I can’t begin to tell you how wrong this is, but I’ll try.

A musical world divided

Growing up in music, I discovered there were basically two types of musicians: those who read sheet music, and those who played by ear. Most people I knew couldn’t do both.

Coming up mostly in note-reading circles like school band, piano lessons, choir and church music, my world was full of people who relied on the dots on the page. Playing by ear was something else entirely. Once in a while I’d meet someone who could do it, but they didn’t read notes. People spoke of it as though it were a magical gift that only a lucky few possessed.

When I was 40, I finally got to live out a lifelong dream of singing in a band. My two all-time favorite pianists to sing with were Overton Berry and Hans Bremer. Their playing was out of this world. I couldn’t imagine how they spontaneously came up with exactly what I asked them to play, in whatever key I wanted, with no rehearsal. They just showed up and the music came out of their fingers. I eventually discovered that neither was particularly strong at reading sheet music. No problem, they were both highly sought-after musicians who understood music theory deeply. The dots on the page just weren’t as useful to them as they were to me.

I used to be able to do it too

Here’s something I didn’t expect to discover about myself: before I had official piano lessons, I could also play by ear. Before I understood what anything on the sheet music meant, I knew how to listen and reproduce what I heard on the piano. It wasn’t magical, I was four or five, but I could do it.

People told me I was gifted.

What I’ve since realized is that I was gifted by my environment, not my genetics. All of my sisters took piano lessons and played every single day. I got to watch what they did, listen to them make mistakes and correct them, and sometimes they’d invite me to play along, showing me small things I could understand and duplicate. Music became my first language because of my surroundings, not my genes. This experience was the early inspiration for Baby-Led Piano®.

Then I lost it

After many years of formal piano lessons, which I had begged for as a child, I found that I could no longer play by ear. When I got my first piano as an adult at age 30, after a long break, I could still read sheet music, in some ways better than before. But playing by ear? Gone. My training had taught me to connect my eyes to my fingers so precisely that note reading had become my default. My ear had been sidelined without me even realizing it.

So I decided to retrain myself. It’s still not effortless, it takes real work, and note reading remains much easier for me. But I’m getting better. And something unexpected has happened along the way: as my ear playing improves, my note reading has gotten more musical too. I’m hearing the sounds I’m trying to create more clearly than I used to.

That connection turned out to be the whole point.

Stay tuned next week to learn why every musician needs BOTH Ear Playing & Note Reading!

Musical doesn’t always look the way you think

Some of the most amazing musicians I know have chosen careers outside of music entirely. Some don’t enjoy performing in front of other people. Plenty of people I know love making music at home, with their friends and families, and that brings them enormous joy. I even heard recently about something called a “terrible orchestra” — a group for adults who were once in a middle school band or orchestra and just want to get together with like-minded people and play. No stakes. Just a whole lot of fun.

That is a beautiful thing.

So is investing in music lessons worth it?

Of course I’ll encourage you to ask yourself what you’re really hoping for. If you’re looking for a way to help your child feel confident, to develop their brain in preparation for all the learning ahead, to give them tools for regulating their emotions, to help you enjoy every moment of their childhood more deeply, and to build a relationship of trust and understanding with your child- then yes, absolutely.

Baby-Led Piano® was designed with exactly those goals in mind. And yes, learning the language of music, and eventually, to play the piano!

The question was never whether your child has what it takes. They do. The better question is what kind of musical life you want to help them build. That’s a journey worth starting at any age.

As always, have so much fun!

Sometimes we call it crying. Sometimes it IS crying. But for babies, it’s how they communicate. There are varying volumes, pitches, intensities, moods, and meanings to the way babies cry. There is virtually no difference between this and singing.

Parents who really cue into this means of communication can help their baby to feel heard and understood. Even if we can’t always understand the story they’re trying to tell us, we can listen and communicate in ways that express important things to our babies.

That quivering cry of a newborn who needs urgently to be fed will stop me in my tracks wherever I am, even though my youngest child is now an adult! It’s the most gripping sound I know of. Moms instinctively get ready to feed these little ones without hesitation. Dad’s learn to recognize this cry right away too. It’s urgent, it’s piercing, and it gets to your heart. It’s supposed to.

This is one song.

The sound of “I’m just too tired to do anything but cry” usually sounds quite different from the “feed me now” song. It often results in rocking, bouncing, swaddling, cuddling, and more patience than you thought you could ever muster.

There’s this other sound that I want to focus on. It’s sometimes referred to as the Song of Life. When diapers are changed, tummies are full, the temperature is just right, and there’s this kind of crying that happens. It isn’t really urgent, it doesn’t really freak anybody out. It just is. Listen for it. This is the one that I want you to sing along with. Not in an overbearing way. Make sure your baby knows you’re responding to THEIR story. Try to match the mood, the timbre, the changes in pitch, and trade off listening and responding. Just like you would do with your best, best friend when they’re telling you something very important and you want them to know you’re listening, that you understand, and that you deeply care. Be sure to make eye contact as you’re listening and responding to your baby. You don’t need to get your baby to pay attention. Over time, they’ll learn to expect your song and they’ll be ready to listen to you.

As you develop this kind of “call and response” singing with your baby, you can incorporate it into every day life in whatever language you’re using at the time. Whether it be the language of music, the language of hugs and kisses, the language of play, or regular old talking, you will teach your baby that they can come to you. That you will listen, that you understand, and that you deeply care. By repeating what they’ve said, and by responding with your own ideas, you validate your baby and let them know that what they say matters to you.

The Song of Life becomes the most amazing duet between you and your baby!

Click Below for More Information on My Signature Course

Baby-Led Piano™

Yes Please, Sign Me Up!

I’ve been a musician for as long as I can remember. In my home, there was always music. My parents sang. My older siblings played instruments. When we did household chores, we sang together. When we traveled, we sang. We attended musical performances that inspired me. When we wanted to celebrate, or play, or just enjoy time together, someone played the piano, someone played the guitar, and everyone sang. We sang harmony, we sang rounds, we sang popular songs that we heard on records or on the radio.

I remember driving to the Grand Canyon with my family in our green Cadillac – the kind with the fins on the back. My parents packed us all into the car and we drove for 5 hours to get there. My sister brought her guitar, and we sang the whole way. My mom and dad and my big sisters all sang together in beautiful, rich harmony. My brother and I were so inspired by all of them. It was so much fun for me to be a part of, and made the time together feel so special. It’s one of my earliest and favorite memories.

Having the language of music has enhanced my life in every way. It’s given me a way to communicate at times when words weren’t enough. It’s given me a wonderful community. Singing in choirs, playing in bands, and singing and playing music with my own kids, has been so much fun! Along with the fun, there were added benefits- having a musical education has helped me organize my thoughts, to learn all of the other things I’ve wanted to learn in life.

The musicians I’ve been blessed to share time with have all felt like they had advantages too, and studies are now showing why. Music helps kids’ brains develop, and it helps them to feel connected to their families.

There’s one thing most “natural” musicians agree on. Music was a way of life from infancy.

There are successful musicians who didn’t grow up in a musical home. My hat is off to them – they’ve worked extra hard to be successful.

But by and large, musicality starts in infancy, just like any other language.

Because Music is a Language!!

And we all know that language is best acquired in infancy, even though new babies aren’t at all ready to talk.

In the same way you naturally teach your baby spoken language, I’ll teach you how to instill the language of music in your baby, even though they’re not ready to show you that they’re getting it. Don’t worry, if you’re offering it, your baby is getting it! Babies are wired to detect patterns. It’s how we’ve survived since humans existed. And it’s how babies thrive.

There are lots of kinds of musical educations. Some are strict and forced, others are haphazard and inconsistent. The kind of musical education I want to invite you to offer your baby is

1. Loving

2. A little at a time

3. Consistent

This is a recipe for a lasting, happy relationship, not only with music, but with you.

I’m going to give you tools to not only understand the language of music for yourself, in a way that you might not get anywhere else, but tools that will prepare your baby so that when done consistently, as your baby gets older and their fingers are develop (which I’ll also give you tools to assist with) your baby will know lots of very little songs to play. These fun little songs will be in their heart and mind, because you sang them every day since they were tiny, and because you showed your baby the symbols, and demonstrated what they meant.

I’ll help you do this, and it’s gonna be so much fun!

Be sure to hop on the waitlist for Baby-Led Piano™ so you’ll know just when the course is ready for you and your baby!

I’ll see you there!

You can get these books, along with flashcards and other cool musical stuff for babies at https://shop.littlebirdpianoacademy.com/

Have so much fun!

“No,” I laugh

.

It’s really not their fault, and if you’re wondering the same thing, it’s not yours either.

We’ve been fed a diet of misinformation about musical ability for a long time. We’ve been led to believe that some people are born musical and that others simply aren’t. The other day I heard a grown adult lamenting that she wished she’d been born with the “musical gene.”

I’m here to tell you: if you have a heartbeat and you’re breathing, you have musical genes. So does your baby.

What it really means when someone says your child isn’t talented

If you’ve ever been told by a musician or music teacher that you or your child lack musical talent, what they’re really saying is: “I’m not skilled enough to help you find your musical ability, you should find someone who is.” And there are teachers out there who can help.

The first time I really understood this was when a teenage friend of my daughter’s wanted to audition for the school musical. She was in drama but had no musical experience whatsoever and she really, really wanted to be in that show. Her mom asked if I could help her learn to sing. I tried, but I didn’t know how to help her find pitch or sing in tune. I had been a musician since I was very young, but I simply didn’t have experience in that area. Time got away from me. When I went to see the musical, because my daughter had gotten a part, I was delighted to discover that the girl I had failed to help was singing a solo. In tune. It turned out the school choir director knew exactly how to help her.

I’ve since learned that skill myself. It’s not complicated, and it starts with one fundamental belief: everyone has musical genes, because making music is part of being human!

It’s not genetics, it’s experience

The past 12 years of my musical life have been devoted to teaching very young children, especially babies, and their parents. Many of those parents come with no musical experience at all, the kind of people who were once told they lacked musical genes. The great news is that these parents learn to sing in tune, and their kids learn to play by ear, compose music, and read sheet music, like the kids who come from homes where parents had years of prior training.

It’s not genetics, it’s experience, and an understanding of how things work.

Music, like so many things, has been dominated for centuries by people in power. Now that recorded music is everywhere, it’s easy for almost anyone to feel insecure about their own abilities and to just let the recordings do the work. Leave it to the professionals. But that’s a loss for all of us.

In a society where everything has become a competition, the divide has grown wider and wider between people who believe they “have musical genes” and people who don’t. The truth is, music making comes more easily to some people than others, but like most things, that’s more about experience, environment, and exposure than DNA.

Okay, great! So now what? Check back next week for- So… Is My Child Going to Be Musical? What Parents Really Want to Know.

And in the meantime, make some music together and have so much fun!

Over the past 30 years I’ve developed a solution to this dilemma: Baby-Led Piano®.

Babies don’t have any idea what they don’t know, but they do have an intrinsic desire to learn, and they’re remarkably good at recognizing what they like and don’t like. They also thrive on connection and interaction with their parents. These things are the perfect starting point for teaching music.

What baby-led really means is this: observe what your baby likes, join them in their world, and add music.

Think of it as creating a soundtrack for the most wonderful movie, only much simpler.

The Practice: Following your baby’s lead, stage by stage

As your child grows, the “music” looks different at each stage. Here’s how to follow their cues.

Newborns- Listen and Echo

Brand new babies observe everything with wide eyes and open ears. Put yourself within their field of vision and listen to their tiny sounds. Let your baby look at you in their own time, don’t pull them in with noise or calling. Think of your baby’s tiny sounds as their song, and sing it back.

After patiently waiting, mirroring their facial expressions, and mimicking their sounds, start adding tiny tunes of your own. They don’t need to be complex or polished, they just need to come from a place of safety and belonging. When your baby starts repeating sounds, repeat those sounds back. Turn them into tiny songs, and keep being patient as your baby starts to figure out how to mimic you in return.

When your baby starts to smile, you’ll naturally do everything you can to get more of it. Let joy lead! Include little joyful, playful sounds in your musical repertoire, and let them see the happiness on your face too.

When movement starts, sing the action. When your baby is working on rolling over, sing about it. Make your songs sound “rolly” and fun. Mirror their facial expressions and noises, and maintain that eye contact.

Toddlerhood- Music as Your Toddler Grows

Toddlers love to pour things out. It can be frustrating, but they love it because they’re learning! It helps them understand gravity and cause-and-effect. Play falling sounds on the piano and sing songs like “Falling Falling Leaves.” Join the fun instead of stopping it! (at least sometimes)

Even before your child wants to color & draw, you can show them that you write musical notes. Show your child how to write a “hold-that-whole-note” or a “long-note.” This is like the way you talk and your baby listens, but they don’t talk for a very long time. When your toddler is ready to try, be happy with scribbles and circles, and be patient if they’re not interested yet. Just seeing you write notes and name them out loud is enough for your toddler to learn that people write music, and they can too, when they feel ready.

Resources: Weaving music into everyday life

Observing your baby’s likes and dislikes and coming into their world is what Baby-Led Piano® is all about. Teaching real music theory and giving music as a gift — the same way you teach words — is a wonderful by-product of the connection you build every time you pay attention to your baby’s little songs, sing them back, and offer your own.
Continuing this dialogue for the rest of your lives is priceless.

Subscribe now

Welcome to Little Bird Piano Academy®

I’m Holly, a lifelong musician with a love/hate relationship to practice, and a desire to perform laced with fear. Over the last 30 or so years, I’ve been developing a music program that offers education to musical and formerly non-musical parents so that they can gift their kids a world of opportunity where practice is self-driven, performing is simply sharing the music we love with people we love, and where parents and kids learn how to deeply listen to music, and to each other.

We’ve been missing our biggest demographic: Babies

Babies are the fastest learners on the planet, and they’re wired to copy you! For centuries, we’ve been waiting till kids could sit still and cooperate, then throwing them in the deep end to see if they’re naturally musical. It’s really discouraging for most kids, and they end up thinking they’re not cut out for music. There is so much you can do to prepare your child for a life of being able to express their emotions through music, and to grow and prepare their brains for all other learning. The best part is, music is the language of connection. You can help your child to develop a strong ability to connect with you by creating music together.

Become part of this community

I’m going to share some of my favorite songs, games and activities with you, as well as parenting tips and successes and failures. I’d love it if you would too. Together we can help build a world, not necessarily filled with concert pianists, but with kids who grow into confident, compasionate, creative adults who are ready to face life’s challenges with joy.

My Plan

You’ll see examples of songs you can sing with your baby while driving, while giving them a bath, at mealtimes, playtime and bedtime; fun games and activities that will teach you and your baby real music theory; to play the piano; how to listen more deeply to your child, and to music; and things I’ve learned over a lifetime of interacting with other musicians, parents, and lots and lots of music students, that will help you understand how to be successful.

All of this is free, because I believe all babies should have the opportunity to learn music regardless of their parents’ ability to pay.

If you’re able and want to, you can become a paid subscriber at any level you choose, to help support this project, and to help offer private music classes to more new parents.

Why "Baby-led"? A common question: "How can a baby lead? They have no idea what they don't know." That's true, but babies have an intrinsic desire to learn, and they're remarkably good at recognizing what they like and don't like. They also thrive on connection and interaction with their parents. These things are the perfect starting point for teaching music.

What baby-led really means is this: observe what your baby likes, join them in their world, and add music.

Think of it as creating a soundtrack for the most wonderful movie, only much simpler.

The Practice: Following your baby’s lead, stage by stage

As your child grows, the “music” looks different at each stage. Here’s how to follow their cues.

Newborns- Listen and Echo

Brand new babies observe everything with wide eyes and open ears. Put yourself within their field of vision and listen to their tiny sounds. Let your baby look at you in their own time, don’t pull them in with noise or calling. Think of your baby’s tiny sounds as their song, and sing it back.

After patiently waiting, mirroring their facial expressions, and mimicking their sounds, start adding tiny tunes of your own. They don’t need to be complex or polished, they just need to come from a place of safety and belonging. When your baby starts repeating sounds, repeat those sounds back. Turn them into tiny songs, and keep being patient as your baby starts to figure out how to mimic you in return.

When your baby starts to smile, you’ll naturally do everything you can to get more of it. Let joy lead! Include little joyful, playful sounds in your musical repertoire, and let them see the happiness on your face too.

When movement starts, sing the action. When your baby is working on rolling over, sing about it. Make your songs sound “rolly” and fun. Mirror their facial expressions and noises, and maintain that eye contact.

Toddlerhood- Music as Your Toddler Grows

Toddlers love to pour things out. It can be frustrating, but they love it because they’re learning! It helps them understand gravity and cause-and-effect. Play falling sounds on the piano and sing songs like “Falling Falling Leaves.” Join the fun instead of stopping it! (at least sometimes)

Even before your child wants to color & draw, you can show them that you write musical notes. Show your child how to write a “hold-that-whole-note” or a “long-note.” This is like the way you talk and your baby listens, but they don’t talk for a very long time. When your toddler is ready to try, be happy with scribbles and circles, and be patient if they’re not interested yet. Just seeing you write notes and name them out loud is enough for your toddler to learn that people write music, and they can too, when they feel ready.

Resources: Weaving music into everyday life

Observing your baby’s likes and dislikes and coming into their world is what Baby-Led Piano® is all about. Teaching real music theory and giving music as a gift — the same way you teach words — is a wonderful by-product of the connection you build every time you pay attention to your baby’s little songs, sing them back, and offer your own.
Continuing this dialogue for the rest of your lives is priceless.

The real gift

All the while, incorporate Rhythm, Dynamics, Piano Town and Frog Flashcards into every day life so that these become as much a part of your child’s vocabulary as the words you say and the storybooks you read to them. Include Songs to Sing and Fingerplays, Exploring the Keyboard and Stepping, Skipping and Staying into storytime and playtime, Let your child watch you practice the piano and compose your own little tunes. Especially include the songs in these books that will be super accessible to them when they’ve put all the parts together (in their own time) to start to play them too.

I’ve lived long enough to hear hundreds of stories: music teachers who had the nerve to tell a child they weren’t musical, spouses who discouraged a partner from singing to their own baby, and parents asking me to evaluate whether their child is “talented.” It’s a star-bellied Sneetches situation, an arbitrary line drawn between the haves and have-nots. It should not be this way.

What the Research Shows

In 2014, an important study by A. Sakakibara set out to determine whether “perfect pitch” (also called absolute pitch) is learned or genetic.

Perfect pitch is the ability to identify any musical note by ear alone. Mozart had it, as did Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra. It’s remarkably rare, occurring in roughly 1 in 10,000 people in the general population, and even most professional, well-trained musicians don’t possess it.

Yet in Sakakibara’s study, all 24 of the young children who participated were successfully taught to develop this ability. Every single one.

What This Means for Music Education

If something as rare and seemingly innate as perfect pitch can be learned with a 100% success rate, the idea that musical ability is purely genetic falls apart completely. Perfect pitch isn’t the point, it isn’t even essential for musicians. What matters is what its learnability reveals: musical ability, even at its most exceptional, is something that can be taught.

Perfect pitch is just one of many abilities most easily acquired in early childhood. There are currently no known cases of it being developed later in life, not that it’s impossible, but early learning is clearly where the advantage lies. The same is true of musical skill more broadly.

Why This Matters for Every Child

The benefits of early music education are well documented (more on that in a future post). The crucial point is this: those benefits need to be available to all children, because every child can be taught to be musical. No child should be written off, and no parent or teacher should be in the business of deciding who deserves a chance to make music.

As always, it should be so much fun!

You could wait until they're seven, when kids are generally much more cooperative. That’s what many music programs suggest, or require. But here’s the problem: you’ll have missed the most important window for learning. Many musical sensibilities are acquired in very early childhood, the same way language is instilled early. Patterns of cooperation, patience, and decision-making are also developed during these years. You have a wonderful opportunity to lay all of that groundwork while your child is seemingly trying to get you to pull your hair out.

Think of it like teaching them to talk

Very young kids learn extremely quickly, but they need time for their minds and bodies to process. Think about how a brand new baby learns to talk — it takes being shown over and over and over. Then they practice by making tiny sounds, experimenting with their breath and their tongue. They jabber, they squeal, they make all kinds of noises. Once they do talk, you can’t get them to stop, and that’s a great problem to have!

The same is true with music. Kids need to be shown over and over how music making works, that it’s fun, and that it’s what all the cool kids are doing. (Luckily, when your kids are three and four, you’re still the cool kids.)

This time is all about what YOU do

Here’s the most important thing to understand about music and preschoolers: this is not the time for performance, competition, or testing your child’s musical abilities or interest. It’s the time for pouring music into them like they’re an empty pitcher waiting to be filled — the way you naturally taught them to talk, by talking to and around them all the time.

I’ve seen it over and over. Kids whose parents participate in class eventually participate too, willingly. Kids whose parents patiently practice the little songs and keep progressing in their own music can’t help but get involved eventually. Kids whose parents wait for their child to show interest first do exactly what their parents are doing: they wait. They’re wired to behave like you. It’s part of their survival instinct.

What this actually looks like day to day

Parents who sing the songs, dance and play, have story time, clap along, and make silly songs out of flashcards, parents who make games out of what they want to show their kids, and who don’t force, beg, cry, yell, punish, or bribe- those parents show their kids that music time is fun. They teach their kids music the same way they taught them to talk: by simply doing it.
If your child is nearby, they’re learning. And sometimes they’ll even want to join in. When that happens, don’t make a huge deal of it, and don’t immediately try to push for more. A little goes a long way for little ones, whose brains are still growing very quickly. Keep being patient, keep playing music yourself, and wait for them to come to you.

When they start showing interest don’t rush it

It can be incredibly exciting when your child starts to engage, and it’s tempting to capitalize on that momentum. Resist the urge. Pushing for more will backfire, I promise. The same principles that got you here still apply: patience, modeling, and respect for their autonomy.

Kids of any age find it difficult to do what they’re told, but they will always do what they see their parents do. Whether you’re genuinely enjoying your music practice or just going through the motions, your kids will eventually copy you. Enjoy playing music, clap the beats, find the patterns, and invite your child to help you from time to time. Let their response be your guide.

Music making is the best way I know to help your child grow their brain, give them tools to express their emotions, and connect with you, their favorite grown-up. As you demonstrate compassion and cooperation while enjoying music around them, and eventually with them, you have a powerful opportunity to bond through the most universal language there is: the language of connection.

As always, have so much fun!

Have you ever tried to make a three-year-old do … anything?

The last time I tried to make a three-year-old do something I wanted them to, I found out who was really in charge. It wasn't me. This pattern of challenging behavior often continues through age four, and it can feel like a nightmare that will never end.

People used to talk about the terrible twos, but after raising six kids and teaching piano for over 30 years, I’m convinced that age three is actually the most challenging, and also one of the most valuable windows for helping your child learn cooperation.

They’re not trying to drive you crazy

That cooperation doesn’t happen the way parents used to believe- through coercion, force, begging, time-outs, punishment, or even rewards. Even sticker charts, while seemingly positive, can actually undermine the process. Kids learn to cooperate by watching their parents demonstrate patience, respect, and cooperation.

I don’t think preschoolers are trying to be little jerks, or that they enjoy frustrating you. I think there’s a very important reason three and four-year-olds resist being told what to do: they’re trying to figure out what to do with autonomy.

Autonomy is an essential part of being human

Autonomy is critical to emotional wellness, happiness, and the ability to be self-directed. Age three is when kids first begin to discover that they’re individuals with the ability to make decisions. Before they’ll be able to do much cooperating, they’ll need a lot of being cooperated with, by you, their favorite grown-ups.

It can feel like the kids are in charge, and that can feel scary to parents who are trying to teach their kids how to get along in life. But really, they just haven’t yet figured out that they’re not the center of the universe, and they haven’t yet learned that life is much better when everyone cooperates. Little kids are naturally self-centered, and that’s actually important for them. They’ll naturally begin to think more outwardly once their inner self becomes established and confident by watching you, and by practicing over time.

The “teach them who’s boss” approach

When I was growing up, the parental adage seemed to be “teach them who’s boss or they’ll walk all over you.” It still feels like that’s the mindset of some parents today, especially when your preschooler won’t wear anything you think is appropriate, won’t eat what you made for dinner, and won’t put their shoes on even though you’re already late. It’s frustrating! And when you feel judged by people around you, it makes it that much harder to manage.

There are absolutely times when parents have to take the reins, be firmer than is fun, and just get out the door, and that can still be done with love. But understanding what’s driving your child’s behavior is the first step toward working with it, rather than against it.

Preschoolers need to develop a sense of autonomy in order to grow into healthy, compassionate, and cooperative bigger kids, and eventually, into adults who make a positive difference in the world. The cooperative part will come. But first, they need to watch you be patient and cooperative for a very long time.

It’s not always easy, and you won’t be perfect, but it is so worth it.

But what do you do in the meantime? How do you get them to do the things you KNOW they need to do to develop the skills they need to grow into healthy, thriving, well-rounded people?

Next week I’ll be tackling How to Teach Music to a Toddler Who Won’t Be Taught!

Music, which was originally a way to express oneself, communicate, feel deep emotion, and unite families and communities, has been swept into the chaos of competitiveness. But you can push back against that starting right at home. Here are a few things you can do to keep music making fun, engaging, and inspiring for your child.

Sing. A lot.

When you sing, your child sees that singing is a normal thing that humans do. It doesn’t matter if you think you sing well, it’s all about letting both you and your child know that singing is safe and normal. In spite of the way we’ve all been programmed, it really is okay to just sing, for no reason at all.

Let your child watch you learn

When your child watches you learn new things, whether you’re already an accomplished musician or not, they see that learning is fun and normal. Take a music class. Work on a new aspect of your musicianship if you’re already experienced. Pick up an instrument and fiddle around with it. See what sounds you can make!

Have fun creating music

Tell stories with your music. Dance while you sing. Laugh when you make mistakes. When your child watches you make up new things and enjoy it, they see you express your deepest emotions through music, laugh at the stumbles, and reset your own nervous system by taking it to the keys, your guitar, or your kazoo, they learn to adopt really healthy ways of processing their own emotions through musical expression.

Try to never compare

I say “try,” because it’s genuinely hard. When we compare musicians against one another, especially when we compare ourselves or our children to other musicians, we’re inadvertently telling our kids there are stakes, and that they might not measure up. For some children, because music is so deeply tied to the soul, this is enough to keep them from ever trying. And it tends to be the most sensitive kids, the ones who most need a form of expression, who fall hardest into the comparison trap.

Be kind to yourself in the process

This might be the most important tip. The way we treat ourselves will ultimately be the way we treat others, especially our kids, and it’s how they’ll treat themselves and others. When we make a conscious effort to treat ourselves with respect and kindness, it naturally showers onto our kids, and they feel worthy of respect. The effects of that kindness will last for generations.

Doing all of these things with music is the best way I know to practice and offer civility and compassion to our kids, because music is the language of love and connection.

As always, have so much fun!

Friendly competition can be a great motivator for certain personalities. For others who may be more sensitive, competition can be discouraging and leave kids feeling like they're not good enough. There are plenty of options for kids who don't thrive in a competitive environment, and that's completely okay. But music? Music should never be one of those competitive arenas in the first place.

Music isn’t & shouldn’t be a sport

We live in a world that’s filled with competition. Who’s the top athlete this week? Who’s number one on the charts? Who won the Grammys? Over the years, decades, and even centuries, music has devolved from a unifying, soul-healing form of expression into something that looks a lot more like a sport. There are competitions beginning at very early ages in the music education world. We have toddlers on YouTube playing the piano like adults, and we feel ashamed that we as grownups can’t even play like that. We tell ourselves, “Well, maybe I’m just not cut out to make music.”
There’s nothing further from the truth. Making music is part of being human.

The Cost of Competition

How do you think it leaves the kids feeling who don’t win a prize, even though they practiced for endless hours? So then we give everyone a first place trophy, and kids intuitively know they didn’t really win. Far too often, even the kids who do win end up not loving music, because it’s lost the spark of fun, creativity, and emotional expression that drew them to it in the first place.

My question is: why are we giving out prizes at all, and telling some kids they should try soccer instead, when playing music is just being human?

I’ve spent a lifetime in the world of music making, and I’ve seen so many people give up because they thought they weren’t good enough. I’ve experienced and witnessed the push and pull of wanting to improve, while being torn about practicing because it feels like you’ll never measure up. I sadly watched kid after kid walk away. I’ve seen cattiness, betrayal, and hurtful behaviors over something that should be inclusive and welcoming to everyone.

It is my life’s mission to help undo that in our society.

Improvement over competition

I’m not saying there’s no need to perfect your art. I’m all about learning, improving, and making playing music easier and more joyful for more people. It’s genuinely fun to watch yourself progress, to play more beautifully, to take on more complex pieces. That’s hard to focus on when you’re worried about a competition, or what other people will think.

When your child gets older, there will be natural situations where competition is unavoidable and appropriate- there will only be so many chairs in a symphony, and only one opening for a choir pianist. Not everyone will get the gig. There has to be a way to offer music to kids and motivate them without the pressure of competition, without creating isolation for the kids for whom it takes a little longer, or who are less intense about their learning. Most kids will never want to be professional musicians, nor should they need to be in order to enjoy making music their whole lives.

It’s okay for music to just be for fun!